Stressed Out [End Of University] Post


A bit of a depressive life update post for you...I bet you're so excited to read this (not). I'm not even excited to write it. I feel like when I write life updates they are always super happy and I'm usually proud of the things that have happened - enough to brag about it all over the internet anyways.

So here goes - firstly it's almost the end of my Uni year, in fact in one months time 3 years of Uni will be over. Finally! It feels like it's lasted forever! This would be a super exciting thing if I knew what I wanted to do with my life afterwards. It's a scary thought, and it's a scarier thought knowing that the job I do want (and one that I've been trying to work hard in securing) might not even happen. There's a lot of insecurity surrounding everything at the moment and it scares me.

Secondly, may have seen on Twitter that I have been made redundant from the job I've had for the last two years. Being made redundant feels awful, it's like that scene in Titanic when Rose promises she'll never let go but then she does and Jack freezes to death and sinks to the bottom of the ocean. You put all your faith into something to give you some sort of security and then that thing goes and completely screws you over. Imagine caring about something so much, and working so hard to be told you're no longer needed. It is truly, truly heartbreaking. I feel like I made the mistake of relying too much on this job. That it'd be there for me when I finished Uni as a back up plan. For the last two years I have put my heart and soul into being a book-seller, and I was so proud to call myself Blackburn's Horror Book-Seller. It was such a great title and I feel in the last few years that I'd earned that title. I'm not the only one who was made redundant - in fact, they chucked all three of us, "it's not your fault" we were told "we are just running the shop differently now". Yeah, cheers. Thanks for nothing. I now have absolutely no money and no job. Great.

I have my exhibition coming up in the next few weeks as well, and practically everything has gone wrong - last week there was some confusion and my exhibition space was going to be changed into the bar. Excuse me, but as much as I love wine (and oh lord, I do love wine), I do not love it as much as I love all the work I've done this past year. I've never focused myself on something so much and now it's nearly over and it feels like everything is going wrong with it. I've now been told that there are no projectors available for me to use either which probably means that all the videos that I have slaved over will now be shown on a teeny tiny computer screen. 

I am so stressed out at the moment and I feel extremely lost. I know a lot of people feel lost when they finish University but oh lordy lord...I feel like I am going to have a melt down.

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  1. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this has happened, it sucks. I can relate to the wanting-the-job-that-may-not-happen part, it's frustrating not knowing what will happen if anything will happen if it will work out. I do think that everything will work out eventually, you'll be okay (that's what I tell myself). I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I know that's impossible, just wanted to say I feel you and it will all work out eventually.

  2. I'm really sorry to hear about your job, but try and stay positive! You'll find a new one soon and when University is over, you'll have an amazing degree and there will be loads of employers just waiting to hire you! x


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