Rest In Peace Michael

I spent so much of last night in a state of complete and utter shock, I cannot even comprehend that this has actually happened. I've ummed and ahhed over whether I have the right to write about you, and I've deleted this post three or four times already. Somehow everything I write just doesn't seem to be enough. I've been through all of our old photos and we look so young, and the photos that I want to see I can't even find, it's really stressing me out. 

I just want you to know, that you were one of my very bestest friends in the whole entire world. No matter what. It doesn't matter that we fell out, it will always be my biggest regret that I haven't seen you since the argument. It breaks my heart to think about how we left things after such a strong friendship of so many years. You really meant so much to me. Without you I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today. 

You were such a caring person, always there for me and those around you. It's very rare in this life that you find a genuinely nice person, but you were. You'd do anything to make someone happy, god, I know you held my hand through so many things. Always there when I needed a hug or to watch Beauty and The Beast. When I look back on things I realise how much I took our friendship for granted. I guess you never really think that someone could just...not be there any more. I always just assumed we'd see each other when you got back from living your amazing life in France and everything would be fixed.

How it breaks my heart to think that you're not here any more. I cannot even imagine how your family feels right now. Everyone loved you so much Michael. You've touched so many lives and that is evident on Facebook and to all those I've spoken to since I found out. You were only twenty years old (always the baby of the group), far too young to be taken from this world, but you lived one hell of a life. One that everyone was so jealous of. You've seen so much and done so much, you've probably seen more in your twenty years on this earth than I will ever do in my life. 

I can remember the first ever time I met you - I went to a Lostprophets gig with Holly and you and all your friends where there. I remember thinking how funny you were and how much I instantly liked you. We had so much in common from the very start. We grew from being young teens into adulthood together. Spent so many days and nights causing mayhem. Throwing potatoes at Martin and his girlfriend at the time, going on nights out and drinking Flaming Sambucca shots, harassing people on the internet, going to gigs,  playing in my garden in the height of summer with Kurt, taking stupid photos together. You even came down to visit me so many times when I lived in Leeds (you always brought sweets - it was great). There are so many memories but I can pin-point my favourite one. I remember when I had seriously bad depression and you came to my house and lay on the bed with me, we just watched Beauty and The Beast and had a good cry. I felt so much better after that. You were the first boy that was allowed in my room because you were the only lad my Mum and Dad trusted. I remember all the stupid arguments we had over absolutely nothing except for the fact that we'd spent too much time together and were annoying each other. I remember all the hours we spent on MSN when we were younger, webcam chatting and singing songs to each other. We always said "Miserable At Best" was our song..."I can live without you but without you I'll be miserable at best". We were such little emos at the time but I guess the lyrics couldn't be more true now. I remember when I was having such a shit time in Leeds, and I had to move rooms because I hated my house-mates so much and you spent hours helping me pack up my bedroom. It wasn't even my idea to pack it up, but you started on your own and then started throwing socks at me to make me help you. All those years when we were completely inseparable - how I wish I could have those years back. I'd happily go through the awkward teenage faze again just to relive those memories, even the memories that hurt. 

I don't think I'll ever meet anyone quite like you again, you were truly one of a kind. I'm fighting back so much guilt and regret right now, I wish I'd told you every day how much you meant to me. You were my best friend. I just hope you knew how much I cared. Your friendship meant so much to me, I guess you never really understand what you've got until it's gone. 

Thank you for letting me into your life, Mike. I didn't deserve to get to spend so much time with you, I know this - we all know this. But I'm glad you did. I'm glad I got to know you in a way that a lot of people didn't. I will miss you forever and you will always hold a special place in my heart. I know that this write-up doesn't even do you justice, and I guess some would say that I shouldn't even be writing it after the last time we saw each other but right now I don't care. I guess, if there is a chance that you've got the internet in Heaven then you might read it. Everyone keeps saying to me "he knows how much you cared, he knows" but I'm not sure you did. I hope and pray that you did. 

I love and miss you so much Mikey. 

  

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